she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Me. At least after what I've been through.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
