just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
