I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
