I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize