Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
