1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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