Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
