I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
