Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Come share oat with me in your robe
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize