Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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