This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
