How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
