I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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