Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
