That's intense
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I will pee on everything he values.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
