I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
