This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
