Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I FOUND THE LEGS
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