I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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