so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
