god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
