Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
