I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize