She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
