Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
