Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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