I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
