I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
