Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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