Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
