I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
