Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
this hospital has no fireball
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize