Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
someone owes me an orgasm
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
