I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
