I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
