Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Randomize