oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
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