I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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