She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
