I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
