If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
