a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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