your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
