I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
