OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
