I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
