I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
