Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize