True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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