apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
