How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
