she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
