Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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