Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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