why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I wanna passion pit in your ass
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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