I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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