Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
