Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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