I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
try to milk me bitch
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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