oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
