You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
