so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize