I cannot find my penis.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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