I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
