His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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