Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
