I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
