the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
