I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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