I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
