Dude my mom stole all your condoms
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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