Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
