Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
