if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
