Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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