i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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