9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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