Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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