Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
