She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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