Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
