Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
