Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
