haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
