she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
